Stephen Calder
2004-05-09 11:35:35 UTC
If I defend myself, I am attacked (135).
Okay, here’s a real life story that will illustrate some points about
attack and defence. I was riding my motorcycle on the freeway this
afternoon. Riding conditions were good, the weather was warm and fine, a
sunny day, not too much wind. Perfect.
Coming back from the Lennox Head arts, crafts and produce market I was
heading toward the crest of a hill near home, a very familiar one, with
a road entering from the left (remember that left and right are
transposed on Australian roads compared to US ones). Annie was riding
pillion behind me, and I was taking it easy, sticking to the 100 kph
speed limit and taking corners gently. As we neared the crest a man in a
classic yellow convertible, it may have been an MG, but a beautiful car,
pulled out from the left into the single lane in front of me, forcing me
to brake reasonably heavily in order to avoid colliding with him. Like
me, he was riding in the elements, top down, the wind a palpable force,
unlike most car drivers. He pulled away slowly in the single lane, and
following until the road widened to double lanes, I pulled up beside him
at about 80 kph, opened up my visor and yelled at him as loudly as I
could gather breath to throw, “fucking dickhead!”
I can tell you I greatly enjoyed yelling that at him, and was grinning
to myself as I quickly pulled away from him. At the very moment I
shouted, he waved at me. His expression was calm.
That’s it, end of story.
………………………………………………………..
Did you notice there was no judgement made of the behaviour of either
person in the telling of the story? It’s just the facts, objective
facts, facts that anyone who had been there and observed the situation
could verify. No mention of feelings until the very last line and what
is the feeling? Joy! Wow. Was I loving myself and that other man at the
time of the incident? Oh yes. Anything else I could say about it would
have to be either an attack on the other guy or a defence of myself, and
both are completely unnecessary.
Nothing I see means anything.
If I defend myself I am attacked.
My attack thoughts are attacking my invulnerability.
I can escape from the world I see by giving up attack thoughts.
Nothing I see means anything.
As I write this I’m listening to a CD of some of the early jazz greats –
Coleman Hawkins, Count Basie, Gene Krupa, Bix Biederbecke. Is there any
way to express the feeling I get when I hear good music like that? Only
if you’ve had that experience too. It doesn’t matter what kind of music.
Any music you love to hear, that makes your foot tap, and makes you want
to get up and dance, will do. Just tell me you’ve been there, and say
something about what it was like, the feeling in the body that makes it
imperative to move, the can’t-keep-still, love that rhythm, gotta dance,
gimme more. What a melody, what amazing rapport the musicians display,
what incredibly sweet and ingenious improvisations they invent! See what
I mean? The words will mean nothing to anyone who has not had that
experience. But when you have it the words will make sense. If you have
been at a dance and the music just by itself, incredibly good and
hypnotically moving, made it impossible to stay off the dance floor,
you’ve had it. I imagine it has happened to most people, but to those
whom who it has not, a treat is in store.
As I was writing this, just now, Annie came in and said this music is so
romantic, so of course I stood up, went to the door, took her hand, and
we danced. The name of the tune we danced to? “I’ll Never Be the Same”.
Now that’s synchronicity. I’ll never be the same as I was before I had
the experience of complete forgiveness that I had in a room with an
awakened mind on an afternoon in November 1996, over seven years ago.
Since then I have sought and found peace, and sometimes lost it again
for up to months on end, but always regained it. That initial experience
was one of being lifted up, of having advanced in a giant leap
spiritually through nothing I did. I did nothing to deserve it, but I
deserved it anyway, and I was to discover, it is my birthright.
What I learned is that my mind has habits of fear and guilt arising from
a mistake about my relationship with God that led, somehow, to a false
assumption of separation, and a fragmenting of myself so that I appear
to myself to be many instead of one. Learning that this false
assumption’s consequence was a fearful physical world, I set out to
change my assumptions. In doing so, I had to change my habits, because
the old habit of fear was still there, and I still believed in a past.
Changing the habits of a lifetime, perhaps many lifetimes, doesn’t
always, or even usually, happen overnight. The workbook of the Course in
Miracles is the only fast, effective way I know of to achieve it,
although it doesn’t seem to work as quickly for everyone as it does for
some. For others it doesn’t seem to work at all. Or doesn’t seem to have
worked yet.
I am never upset for the reason I think.
I am upset because I see meaningless world.
A meaningless world engenders fear.
God did not create a meaningless world.
Man, Bix Biederbecke swings. And now Hoagy Carmichael himself is
singing the great song he wrote, one of the most beautiful songs of all
time, Georgia On My Mind. How wonderful to be able to hear this so many
decades after he left us!
Yes, I can see love in being insulted. If the positions were reversed
would I understand? Yes.
These thoughts do not mean anything. The thoughts of which I am aware do
not mean anything because I am trying to think without God. What I call
“my” thoughts are not my real thoughts. My real thoughts are the
thoughts I think with God.
The early lessons are very useful to apply to any thought that may
contain an element of unforgiveness, resentment, hurt, or negativity of
any kind. All these things are injurious not only to peace of mind but
ultimately to my health. Sometimes my grievances will show up in my
body, reminding me that when I attack I can only be attacking myself.
Sickness is a defence against the truth.
All right, getting as honest as I can, I can see the possibility that
what I yelled to that guy might be interpreted as attack.
Uh oh. I’m already in trouble. If I see a possibility of attack I must
be fearful of attack. Who could be attacked, and who could be the attacker?
I am upset because I see what is not there. So fundamental and yet so
quickly forgotten when upset is there and seemingly will not dislodge,
even though I may realise that I chose it, at least at some level of
consciousness. The Course in Miracles brings about a shift at levels of
consciousness of which we are unaware, enabling thoughts of love, peace
and happiness to bubble to the surface whenever the serenity of the lake
of peace is disturbed. Old habits gradually dissolve, to be replaced by
a habit of returning to peace whenever it is noticed that there is
not-peace.
The trick is to notice, and choose again.
The early lessons of the Course are tools, not be used just once and
then discarded, but, like the polishing cloth and the dishwashing
liquid, constantly employed toward the goal of having uninterrupted
peace, the ability to calmly observe circumstances and events without
concern. A wonderful thing to experience, very satisfying and – dare I
say it -- addictive. I use that word in a good sense in this case,
because being addicted to happiness is like being addicted to laughter.
There’s a plentiful supply, and it’s good for you, with no negative side
effects.
I can be hurt by nothing but my thoughts.
My thoughts are images I have made. Whatever I see reflects my thoughts.
I am not alone in experiencing the effects of my seeing. As my thoughts
of separation call to the separation thoughts of others, so my real
thoughts awaken the real thoughts in them. And the world my real
thoughts show me will dawn on their sight as well as mine.
An amazing statement, but one I have discovered is absolutely true.
Wondering whether denial had reared its ugly head (oops, too late
already) I asked Annie whether she had been scared when I yelled at the
guy. She said yes, she had been, and told me some of the thoughts that
went through her mind, such as, he might retaliate. And I told her some
of the thoughts I had, such as, he’s driving dangerously.
It’s important to release thoughts like these as soon as possible.
I have no neutral thoughts. Neutral thoughts are impossible because all
thoughts have power. They either make a false world or lead me to the
real one. But thoughts cannot be without effects. As the world I see
arises from my thinking errors, so will the real world rise before my
eyes as I let my errors be corrected. My thoughts cannot be neither true
nor false. They must be one or the other. What I see shows me which they
are.
What I see shows me whether my thoughts are true or false. If I see a
fearful world in which I am being attacked or in which I must attack, my
thoughts must be false. If I see a peaceful world in which all is one in
harmony, and see the appearance of fear without allowing it to disturb
me, my thoughts are true.
Simple but not necessarily easy, which is why I urge you to do the
lessons of the Course, again and again if necessary, never stopping
until your desire for peace is fervent and fulfilled.
Okay, here’s a real life story that will illustrate some points about
attack and defence. I was riding my motorcycle on the freeway this
afternoon. Riding conditions were good, the weather was warm and fine, a
sunny day, not too much wind. Perfect.
Coming back from the Lennox Head arts, crafts and produce market I was
heading toward the crest of a hill near home, a very familiar one, with
a road entering from the left (remember that left and right are
transposed on Australian roads compared to US ones). Annie was riding
pillion behind me, and I was taking it easy, sticking to the 100 kph
speed limit and taking corners gently. As we neared the crest a man in a
classic yellow convertible, it may have been an MG, but a beautiful car,
pulled out from the left into the single lane in front of me, forcing me
to brake reasonably heavily in order to avoid colliding with him. Like
me, he was riding in the elements, top down, the wind a palpable force,
unlike most car drivers. He pulled away slowly in the single lane, and
following until the road widened to double lanes, I pulled up beside him
at about 80 kph, opened up my visor and yelled at him as loudly as I
could gather breath to throw, “fucking dickhead!”
I can tell you I greatly enjoyed yelling that at him, and was grinning
to myself as I quickly pulled away from him. At the very moment I
shouted, he waved at me. His expression was calm.
That’s it, end of story.
………………………………………………………..
Did you notice there was no judgement made of the behaviour of either
person in the telling of the story? It’s just the facts, objective
facts, facts that anyone who had been there and observed the situation
could verify. No mention of feelings until the very last line and what
is the feeling? Joy! Wow. Was I loving myself and that other man at the
time of the incident? Oh yes. Anything else I could say about it would
have to be either an attack on the other guy or a defence of myself, and
both are completely unnecessary.
Nothing I see means anything.
If I defend myself I am attacked.
My attack thoughts are attacking my invulnerability.
I can escape from the world I see by giving up attack thoughts.
Nothing I see means anything.
As I write this I’m listening to a CD of some of the early jazz greats –
Coleman Hawkins, Count Basie, Gene Krupa, Bix Biederbecke. Is there any
way to express the feeling I get when I hear good music like that? Only
if you’ve had that experience too. It doesn’t matter what kind of music.
Any music you love to hear, that makes your foot tap, and makes you want
to get up and dance, will do. Just tell me you’ve been there, and say
something about what it was like, the feeling in the body that makes it
imperative to move, the can’t-keep-still, love that rhythm, gotta dance,
gimme more. What a melody, what amazing rapport the musicians display,
what incredibly sweet and ingenious improvisations they invent! See what
I mean? The words will mean nothing to anyone who has not had that
experience. But when you have it the words will make sense. If you have
been at a dance and the music just by itself, incredibly good and
hypnotically moving, made it impossible to stay off the dance floor,
you’ve had it. I imagine it has happened to most people, but to those
whom who it has not, a treat is in store.
As I was writing this, just now, Annie came in and said this music is so
romantic, so of course I stood up, went to the door, took her hand, and
we danced. The name of the tune we danced to? “I’ll Never Be the Same”.
Now that’s synchronicity. I’ll never be the same as I was before I had
the experience of complete forgiveness that I had in a room with an
awakened mind on an afternoon in November 1996, over seven years ago.
Since then I have sought and found peace, and sometimes lost it again
for up to months on end, but always regained it. That initial experience
was one of being lifted up, of having advanced in a giant leap
spiritually through nothing I did. I did nothing to deserve it, but I
deserved it anyway, and I was to discover, it is my birthright.
What I learned is that my mind has habits of fear and guilt arising from
a mistake about my relationship with God that led, somehow, to a false
assumption of separation, and a fragmenting of myself so that I appear
to myself to be many instead of one. Learning that this false
assumption’s consequence was a fearful physical world, I set out to
change my assumptions. In doing so, I had to change my habits, because
the old habit of fear was still there, and I still believed in a past.
Changing the habits of a lifetime, perhaps many lifetimes, doesn’t
always, or even usually, happen overnight. The workbook of the Course in
Miracles is the only fast, effective way I know of to achieve it,
although it doesn’t seem to work as quickly for everyone as it does for
some. For others it doesn’t seem to work at all. Or doesn’t seem to have
worked yet.
I am never upset for the reason I think.
I am upset because I see meaningless world.
A meaningless world engenders fear.
God did not create a meaningless world.
Man, Bix Biederbecke swings. And now Hoagy Carmichael himself is
singing the great song he wrote, one of the most beautiful songs of all
time, Georgia On My Mind. How wonderful to be able to hear this so many
decades after he left us!
Yes, I can see love in being insulted. If the positions were reversed
would I understand? Yes.
These thoughts do not mean anything. The thoughts of which I am aware do
not mean anything because I am trying to think without God. What I call
“my” thoughts are not my real thoughts. My real thoughts are the
thoughts I think with God.
The early lessons are very useful to apply to any thought that may
contain an element of unforgiveness, resentment, hurt, or negativity of
any kind. All these things are injurious not only to peace of mind but
ultimately to my health. Sometimes my grievances will show up in my
body, reminding me that when I attack I can only be attacking myself.
Sickness is a defence against the truth.
All right, getting as honest as I can, I can see the possibility that
what I yelled to that guy might be interpreted as attack.
Uh oh. I’m already in trouble. If I see a possibility of attack I must
be fearful of attack. Who could be attacked, and who could be the attacker?
I am upset because I see what is not there. So fundamental and yet so
quickly forgotten when upset is there and seemingly will not dislodge,
even though I may realise that I chose it, at least at some level of
consciousness. The Course in Miracles brings about a shift at levels of
consciousness of which we are unaware, enabling thoughts of love, peace
and happiness to bubble to the surface whenever the serenity of the lake
of peace is disturbed. Old habits gradually dissolve, to be replaced by
a habit of returning to peace whenever it is noticed that there is
not-peace.
The trick is to notice, and choose again.
The early lessons of the Course are tools, not be used just once and
then discarded, but, like the polishing cloth and the dishwashing
liquid, constantly employed toward the goal of having uninterrupted
peace, the ability to calmly observe circumstances and events without
concern. A wonderful thing to experience, very satisfying and – dare I
say it -- addictive. I use that word in a good sense in this case,
because being addicted to happiness is like being addicted to laughter.
There’s a plentiful supply, and it’s good for you, with no negative side
effects.
I can be hurt by nothing but my thoughts.
My thoughts are images I have made. Whatever I see reflects my thoughts.
I am not alone in experiencing the effects of my seeing. As my thoughts
of separation call to the separation thoughts of others, so my real
thoughts awaken the real thoughts in them. And the world my real
thoughts show me will dawn on their sight as well as mine.
An amazing statement, but one I have discovered is absolutely true.
Wondering whether denial had reared its ugly head (oops, too late
already) I asked Annie whether she had been scared when I yelled at the
guy. She said yes, she had been, and told me some of the thoughts that
went through her mind, such as, he might retaliate. And I told her some
of the thoughts I had, such as, he’s driving dangerously.
It’s important to release thoughts like these as soon as possible.
I have no neutral thoughts. Neutral thoughts are impossible because all
thoughts have power. They either make a false world or lead me to the
real one. But thoughts cannot be without effects. As the world I see
arises from my thinking errors, so will the real world rise before my
eyes as I let my errors be corrected. My thoughts cannot be neither true
nor false. They must be one or the other. What I see shows me which they
are.
What I see shows me whether my thoughts are true or false. If I see a
fearful world in which I am being attacked or in which I must attack, my
thoughts must be false. If I see a peaceful world in which all is one in
harmony, and see the appearance of fear without allowing it to disturb
me, my thoughts are true.
Simple but not necessarily easy, which is why I urge you to do the
lessons of the Course, again and again if necessary, never stopping
until your desire for peace is fervent and fulfilled.
--
Stephen
Byron Bay, Australia
Stephen
Byron Bay, Australia