well thats a very complete answer - did you write it all out or copy and
paste it from something you wrote a while ago? At times it says you're
writing a book........... so I'm not sure how to take it.
George you say the choice is between doubt and faith. What if there's
another 'choice'. To do nothing. Just BE here in this moment. Before your
next thought even arrises - notice what is present. You keep going into
your conceptual references! God is a three letter word. Love is a four
letter word. Faith is a five letter word. Words words words. Before the
word - what is there? Is there not a simple presence - before the words
even begin? What if you had no words? Would you still be?
Do you still ride bikes? I have an R1 (yamaha) - boy is it a fun thing!
Never got into Corvettes - though I do have a Jag which I rarely use - gas
is a fortune over here (London).
Be well.
"george" <***@hotmail.com> wrote in message news:72fee7c5-9074-48aa-9a42-***@w15g2000pro.googlegroups.com...
James-Hey George............. you know there's a loving God and he
lives within
you? Hmmmm. Really...... I only answered you in the first place
becasue
you sounded like you were trying to convince yourself of what you were
saying............. George it sounds to me like you're still trying to
convince yourself.
Though to give you credit at least you're not just blindly swinging
punches.
Thats unusual for this place................ but come on.........
loving
God? Thats just one big concept - well two really. Within you?
There's
another big concept. All these concepts you're holding onto.........
I said
what do you know for sure - not what do you believe.
So how do I KNOW, that's the question right?
I'll post some of my story here and tell you that God has proven his
loving bond with me over and over again. Okay on to the proof from my
life experiences.
When I was growing up, I never considered there could be a God.
Everyone and everything I encountered, that spoke of God, I
immediately dismissed as ignorant. If I read a book and God was in it,
I stopped reading. If one of the religious people came to the door, I
wouldnt answer it. To me, God was a stupid crutch that weak people
made up because they couldnt stand on their own two feet.
I was convinced I was alone in this world of sight, touch and smell. I
couldnt see, touch or smell God, so he couldnt exist. Why would
anyone believe in something they couldnt see, touch or smell? It made
no sense to me. What would be the point of believing in something that
wasnt here? I didnt need anything like that. I was obviously smarter
than people that believed in God because I was living in the REAL
world of sight, touch and smell. The world that was here, being proven
to me every moment, by my senses. I saw no proof of God, where was he?
I didnt see him. I couldnt smell him. Why would a sane person
consider it? As someone that believed only in the things of this
world, I had many things that were important to me. I needed to be
better than everyone else, have a better job, be better looking, and
have more money. I only wanted to win, not lose. I wanted to have
better material things than other people. They had to be the fastest
cars or motorcycles. I wanted the newest and best of everything. I
wanted to accomplish more than others. To be recognized as the best.
These all seemed like worthy goals at the time. Looking at the list,
they still look pretty good. So where did I go wrong?
Unfortunately, because I wanted to be better than everyone else, I
used to put other people down. I wanted to be on top, so everyone else
had to be below me and I was going to let them know. At 21, I made
good money as an elevator repairman. I remember telling my friends,
how much do you make? I make $20 an hour. That was a lot of money for
a 21 year old back in 1980. I already knew I made more than they did.
It never occurred to me that it was mean to rub it in their face. No
one wants to be below anyone else. I swear, I thought I was a nice
guy. Does saying something like this sound nice to you?
On another occasion, I had a friend bring over his newly acquired car.
He was very excited about his new purchase and I realize now, he
wanted to share his excitement with me. But since I wanted to be
better then him, I said, Hey, look at that dent in the fender, as I
bent down and ran my hand along the flaw in his pride and joy. I
swear, I thought I was a nice guy. Again, it never occurred to me,
that I should be happy that he was happy. I had to be better than him
so his car couldnt be that great, could it?
I always wanted to win in any sport or board game. And that is the
idea, but I took it a step further. If I couldnt win, I wouldnt
play. If I did play and lost, it was because my hand hurt or the sun
was in my eyes, or any of ten thousand other excuses. It couldnt have
been the other team or player was better.
I took the world so seriously that in ninth grade, when I didnt make
the high school basketball team, I was so crushed I didnt play at all
for years. That wouldnt be so bad except, I love basketball. My self
esteem was put into an outcome of this world. I didnt make the team,
I suck. Ill never play that stupid sport again. My self worth was
measured by things like how much money I had, what kind of car I
drove. Ive since learned I cant control this world, so why put my
self worth and self esteem around anything of the world. Ive learned
I am a Holy child of God, just like everyone else is and our worth is
defined by him. Do you believe God thinks he made a mistake with you?
He didnt, EVERYONE is exactly where they are supposed to be. Atheists
and believers alike.
When I played team sports, I was all over my team, yelling and
screaming at them, telling them what to do, or how to play. If it
wasnt for these other idiots on the team I would never lose. I had a
girl tell me once, I was a vicious competitor and I thought that was
good.
Another thing I realized as I got older, was when I bought the thing I
desired most it wouldnt satisfy me. At 15 1/2, I had to have this 500
Kawasaki motorcycle because it was super fast. I had money saved and
bought it. I was incredibly happy. It was like I had been given a
million dollars. My Mom said I walked around on air for days. But
after awhile it wasnt quick enough and I needed a faster motorcycle.
In a year, I had saved up again and bought a ZR1, the fastest
motorcycle you could buy at the time. It didnt make me as happy and I
remember wondering why. So I saved up and at 18 bought a 435hp
Corvette and wouldnt you know it, it didnt really make me happy
either. I did rub it in my buddies faces about how fast my car was
and how it was better than what they had. I knew something didnt feel
right but I had no idea of what was wrong.
I started noticing my friends didnt want to be around me. Again, I
had no idea why. Never did it cross my mind that in my quest to be
better than, I had become a jerk.
Rescue
So out of the mess of my life came a surprise. The God I know today
blessed me in a way I never would have expected. It sure didnt seem
like a blessing at the time but Ive learned he is much smarter than I
am. He knows what I need when I dont.
Money was the main thing I cared about. It was the key to material
things, women, cars and a scoreboard on who was better than whom. I
had to be at the top. I needed money, lots of it. I already had a
great job and being interested in money I started reading investment
books. They scared me into believing the fiat money system of today
was in danger of collapse. So to be at the top, I had to be ready to
profit when it all fell down. I bought a bunch of silver and gold
coins.
I bought gold at $800 an ounce. What timing, it was about a week from
the exact top of the market. And of course, I had told everyone what I
bought and for how much so I could brag when the system collapsed and
I made a fortune. The system didnt collapse and I ended up selling
out at $400 an ounce. Payback hurts, I got the, buy at 8 and sell at
4. Ha Ha Ha The kind of guy I was at that time would have said the
same thing to someone else. Rub it in, he was wrong Ha, Ha, Ha. Im
not like that anymore. Why say something like that? Whats the upside?
This is one of the many things I thought about after I humbly asked
God to come into my life.
Why did I ask God into my life? I thought I was smart and better than
most people. I had a Corvette, 2 motorcycles, a bunch of money and a
great paying job. I went to the gym every day and took steroids, so I
had big muscles too. I thought I was better than you and had
everything going for me. I sure didnt need something that I couldnt
see, touch or smell.
Then my luck changed. I now know it was God coming to open my mind. I
started wasting money on cocaine. The gold I bought went down
dramatically. Someone stole all my silver coins and I had bought
thousands of dollars of silver. A large investment I made turned out
to be with a crook who stole the money. I had an uninsured car
accident that was my fault and ended up costing me a lot of my savings
and my car. I broke my fathers car screwing around in it. I got a
drunken driving ticket. There were a lot more things but these are the
ones that stand out now, 30 years later. It was as if everything I
held dear was being taken away from me. I had the worst possible luck,
for the longest time. I remember my father saying, Wow, Ive never
seen such bad luck. It was true and with everything that was
happening to me, it didnt even seem possible to have such bad luck
for so long. How could all this stuff keep happening to me over and
over? I remember feeling as if I were being crushed. Near the end of
the bad luck streak, I remember thinking life didnt even seem worth
living.
All these different things that many people would call bad were the
biggest blessing of my life. Finally I was open to the thought that
maybe there was something else. The things that I thought were
important were getting ripped from me, one painful piece at a time.
There had to be something else or life wasnt worth living.
One day there it was. The miracle I needed to save me. It didnt look
like a miracle. It looked more like one of those religious pamphlets,
those religious people leave around. It was on top of a telephone I
was using in a telephone booth. I had never read one of these before,
as God was mentioned in it at the start. I was feeling particularly
low that day and thought, what the heck, it cant get any worse, lets
see what it has to say.
I cant tell you exactly what it said, except it talked about my life
being a mess, which I agreed with. Then it said, all I had to do to
fix everything and be saved from the mess I was in, was to say a
little prayer that went something like this, I take Jesus Christ into
my life to be my personal savior. There was more but I cant remember
that part. I closed my eyes and prayed earnestly for the first time,
exactly like it said and I tried as hard as I could to mean it.
Anything was better than the life I had at that moment. I remember
opening my eyes and everything looked the same. I thought, well, that
didnt work and I scoffed out loud. I expected a miracle to be
unveiled right then and why shouldnt I? Little did I know what was in
store for me. This didnt seem like a life changing experience at the
time but it was. My mind was opened to an idea I had never before
considered.
Before asking Jesus into my life I wasnt open to the idea that there
could be a God. After asking him into my life nothing changed right
away but I did think about something one of my teachers in grade
school had said about a book called, The Late Great Planet Earth. It
was about biblical prophecy. That was a subject I had avoided at all
costs, but since I had opened my mind just a crack, I thought why not
at least see what it said, even if the word God was in it.
I was shocked to read that there was actually a logical argument that
there was a God. Wow, now I had to check it out to find out if it was
true.
Revelation
I know this is going to be the most controversial part of this book.
As an atheist, I wouldnt have believed what Im going to tell you
happened for a second. As time goes by I might even have let doubt
creep into my mind that this experience actually occurred if I hadnt
proven to myself over and over that there is a God and that this same
God has shown himself to me in so many ways. What happened to me was
just the start of a long journey Im still on. You can choose to
believe it if you want to.
Shortly after reading the Late Great Planet Earth, I was doing a bunch
of cocaine again. I was with my girlfriend at the time. I dont doubt
I was probably drinking as well. I looked over at her and instead of
seeing her, I saw the face of Christ. It was the image I had seen on
crosses. I remember being extremely embarrassed and thinking I was
crazy. I turned away red-faced and filled with shame for being crazy.
Then he said, I think I look like someone you know. I glanced up and
he was still there. I looked back at the ground agitated and
embarrassed.
No I said.
Yes, I think I do look like someone you know, he said again.
No, I mumbled, not looking up at him.
Look at me.
I looked up into his eyes.
He was insistent. Tell me who I look like?
Still embarrassed, I relented and said, Jesus.
He said, I bet you wish you hadnt read that book now.
I remember thinking, you arent kidding. Im going crazy.
After that, all he said was, look again at everything in your life.
Look again. You can start over if you make a mistake.
I dont remember him saying anything else. The next thing I remember
was lying in bed trying to go to sleep. Thoughts were racing through
my head. The main thought was that I had seen Christ and he wanted me
to go with him. I remember thinking okay I guess Im done here, Ill
go with him. All I had to do was completely relax and I would go. So I
relaxed and then relaxed some more. I would do whatever he wanted.
There was a God! I was completely relaxed and waiting to leave my
body. I was just waiting for my heart to stop. I was completely
unafraid and ready to go. I heard my heart beating and tried to relax
to the point where it would stop. Deeper I relaxed. Im coming Jesus.
Suddenly air was forced into my lungs and I came out of the trance I
was in. My girlfriend was blowing air into my mouth. She told me I was
choking on my tongue. I dont remember anything about choking. I was
embarrassed about what happened and dont remember if I talked with
her about it. I think I did but I know I didnt push it, since it
still sounds crazy to me. But I know it happened. You can doubt me if
you want. A chapter later in the book will be about doubt and faith.
Its always a choice. You can chose to believe me and look at your own
life in the same way I have or you can doubt me and go on as you have.
God will be there waiting if you change your mind.
If you have never seen the face of Christ it doesnt matter. You can
learn to have faith as I have. The only essential part of this story
is to open your mind to the possibility that there might be a God.
Then you have to ask him to prove himself to you. Because if there is
a God, he has to be able to prove himself to you. He will, I know he
will because he has proven himself to me so many times, and I dont
mean seeing him with my eyes. That only happened the one wondrous
time. The big thing you have to remember is there will never be any
ironclad proof. You will never be able to prove his existence to
anyone else. God can not show himself to a mind not open to his
existence. That would be force and God doesnt force anyone to
believe. If you want to doubt what you are shown, you are given that
choice. Both ideas that faith and doubt put forth will be given to you
if you open your mind. Then its up to you to choose. What Ive
learned is that in this choice, of which you decide to listen to, lies
the direction of what you want in your life. Faith puts forth ideas
and arguments that will lead you away from this world to your own God
given nature and your happiness. Doubt puts forth ideas and arguments
that will lead you toward things of this world. We as Gods children
will never be happy with that.
If you havent yet opened your mind to the possibility that there
might be a God, you cant even hear any arguments that faith might put
forth, I couldnt. To the unopened mind all these ideas are stupid. I
know, thats what I used to think. I used to believe anyone that
believed in God or anything that cant be proven by science was a
fool. But the entire point of this book is that Gods existence can be
proven but only to you personally. And in ways you will never expect
or be able to show anyone else. All you will be able to do is share
your experiences and thoughts that proved his existence to you. To the
doubter it will mean nothing and you will be a fool in his eyes but
why care, you know the truth and your life will be happier.
I could choose to doubt when I saw Christ and talked to him. Doubt
still tells me, you were high on drugs and alcohol, it was all a
hallucination. Your girlfriend never saw him. He wasnt there. Come
on, there is no proof. Get real.
Faith says, You never had anything ever happen to you like this
before. It was so real and you remember how real it was. You know it
happened. The proof is in the effect, just look at how your life has
changed drastically because of it and because you chose to believe
it.
Let me give you another example of what I mean about faith and doubt.
Some time later after I had started to investigate whether there was a
God because doubt had started to creep in after my vision. I needed
more proof even after seeing Christ with my own eyes. One of my first
steps was to read the Bible. I admit I didnt get much out of the Old
Testament but many parts of the New Testament made sense to me.
Anyway, I had just read the part where Jesus says, pray for your
enemies. That same day, I let a 19 year old neighbor into my house
who had never been inside before. The next day, the house gets robbed
and something inside me just knew it had been robbed by the guy I had
let in the day before. So I thought, okay if there is a God and this
is his word, then when I do what he says, something should happen. I
asked God to prove his existence to me and you can too. Then I got
down on my knees and prayed for the guy next door. I cant tell you
what I prayed, just that I did, and I thought of him as my enemy for
ripping off my house. First before I tell you what happened, you need
to know what kind of person I was at the time. I owned an AR 15 sub
machine gun and used to tell people that if I ever heard anyone
stealing my car, out of the garage below my apartment, I would pump a
million bullets through the floor and kill them. I was serious. I
owned a lot of guns and would kill to protect what was mine.
Forgiveness was for idiots. So just getting on my knees and praying
for someone that stole from me was a big step. But I had to know if
there was a God. Doubt had crept in by this time and I was on my own
again and needed more proof.
The day after I prayed for the neighbor, he sees me outside and comes
over. He starts to tell me about this car he had seen over at my house
on the day of the robbery and a description of the guys. Out of my
mouth came something completely foreign to my way of thinking at that
time. I said, I just hope they got whatever they needed. The guy
immediately looks at the ground, embarrassed. Like lightning, the
thought of, there is your proof comes into my mind. Stunned, I think
my mouth fell open.
So here is faith and doubt again. Faith says, Wow, you would never
say anything like that. God spoke through you to show you his
existence. By your forgiveness and caring you actually helped the
other guy. He couldnt run from his actions. When he came over to talk
to me, he was looking for my righteous indignation and a tirade about
how some jerks had robbed me, so he could feel okay about robbing a
jerk. But by my caring more about the thieves than myself, he was
embarrassed by his actions and looked at the ground. Doubt says,
That didnt mean anything. He probably wasnt even the one that
robbed you. God didnt prove anything.
I have two choices here between doubt and faith. They both say
different things. Only one can be true. Which one do I choose? It was
obvious to me and yet there was no proof I could show anyone else. But
I knew in my heart. I could FEEL the truth of what faith had shown me.
Faiths thoughts felt good and loving. They made me feel better.
Doubts thoughts made me feel worse and that my righteous indignation
was justified. So there are the two choices. One makes me feel better
and one makes me feel worse. If there is a God and he created me,
wouldnt it make sense that my feelings would point in the right
direction? And by choosing faith, it made me want to change more. By
choosing faith I made the situation better. I hope I helped the other
guy, but thats up to him. At least I tried to help. I like that.